Preschoolers On Strike!
Tots Abandon Circle Time - Demand Lap Time!
Posted: Friday, April 1, 2005 Posted: 9:48 a.m. EST (1448 GMT)
Washington, D.C. (UP) -- In a show of solidarity, preschool students throughout the country refused to go to preschool today, demanding more time at home with mom and dad. Tired of being prematurely pushed out of their homes and into classrooms where regimented academic instruction has stunted their intellectual, social, and emotional development, tiny tots utilized a nationwide "Tantrum-In" at 9:00 a.m. EST to get their message across to their parents loud and clear.
"Stop the preschool hype!" one pint-sized demonstrator shouted as he hurled his sippy cup across the kitchen. "Don't you know that there is overwhelming scientific evidence that I learn better through imaginative play right here at home with you?"
Today's incident came just two days after the RAND Corporation released a report that suggests public universal preschool programs for all would return between $2 and $4 in benefits for every dollar expended. The militant activist group "Tykes On Trikes" insists the findings are skewed, biased, and paid for by organizations that stand to gain from institutionalizing little kids, such as teacher's unions. A spokestoddler for the group went so far as to claim that, "Publicly funded universal preschool for all programs are a feat of social engineering to groom human resources for corporate profit."
Citing studies compiled by Stanford University's Hoover Institution research fellow, Mary Eberstadt, in her book, Home Alone America, the diminutive representative warned that, "Institutionalizing young children can damage them psychologically, emotionally, socially and physically. That damage to children extends to the society at large. Collective research from child development and brain research experts provides overwhelming scientific evidence that contradicts the distortions prevalent in the popular media that preschool is the best place for young children. The experts have concluded that a nurturing home life full of imaginative play will foster initiative, intellectual curiosity, social empathy, and self-esteem resulting in a happy child with a life-long love of learning."
One mom, distraught after her child smeared bubble gum all over her school clothes and hair, called 911 for advice. A rescue team was dispatched with peanut butter to clean up the goo. Reporters, alerted to the dispatch, requested an interview with the tiny demonstrator who said, "Preschool is a stupid, boring waste of my time. I just want to stay home and read storybooks cuddled in my mommy's lap." With tear-filled eyes, the mother cut short the question-and-answer session saying, "Thank you all for coming, but I'm going to read to my daughter now."
Parents all over the country reported similar incidents of disgruntled tots refusing to attend preschool. After a morning of reading stories, going for walks in the neighborhood, talking and baking cookies together one parent commented, "I had forgotten how much fun it is to spend time with my child. Her natural curiosity drove our morning -- we read, learned about nature on our walk, and I even taught her about measurement when we were baking! Maybe she doesn't need public preschool after all."
Members of the more moderate group, Preschoolers Uncomfortable with Preschool (PUP), staged a small, impromptu group tantrum at a local park in one suburban city today. Children refused to share their sandbox toys until their parents' agreed they didn't have to go to preschool. PUP representatives Kaitlyn and Ethan, applauded the parents decision not to invoke disciplinary measures against the protestors.
PUP also issued a written statement complimenting parents for their "graciousness" in dealing with today's demonstrations. They advised parents to get more information about how to encourage a love of learning in the first five years of life by visiting the brand new website: www.UniversalPreschool.com.
They also announced the first annual "Parents Play with Preschoolers at Home Day" that will take place on Friday, April 15th. Traditionally income tax filing day, PUP representatives chose the day to protest tax dollars being spent on government mandated and/or funded preschool-for-all programs. Said one young protestor, "I encourage all of my fellow tax deductions to stay home and play and learn with their parents on April 15th."
Parents can get free, fun activities they can do with their preschooler every day of the year that encourage a love of learning in the first five years of life by visiting: www.UniversalPreschool.com. This continuously updated collection of innovative games and activities that teach while they entertain not only helps children develop academic readiness skills, but more importantly, the activities will help parents learn how to use the universe as a preschool, so that their children will grow up to be successful, well-adjusted, happy adults.
In addition to the wonderful games you can use to celebrate "Parents Play with Preschoolers At Home Day," www.UniversalPreschool.com provides answers and alternatives to help parents, educators, and policy makers make educational choices that are in the best interests of young children.
Explore the research, read the articles, take action, and enjoy the activities with your children that will help them develop their full potential. UniversalPreschool.com's goal is to help parents make a better universe, one child at a time, beginning April 15th with "Parents Play with Preschoolers at Home Day." No foolin'! :)